I have worked for many years with clients involved in the family court system. Throughout the years I have learned that parents have a misconception that family court attorneys can be hired to work their magic and "get me what I want and deserve". I write this blog today with sadness and in an attempt to reach people who believe a lie.
FIRST: You cannot hire an attorney that will ever "get you what you want". NOONE WINS. Divorce requires compromise. If you cannot save your marriage at least try to make the process as amicable as possible. If we cannot learn how to find a better way to work through conflict for THE BEST INTEREST OF OUR CHILD, then we are going to further damage our child.
SECOND: Families going through divorce need to grieve. The loss of a family unit is devastating. The mother and the father are experiencing hurt, disappointment, confusion, and anger. BUT...Everyone seems to forget that the child is the one who feels all these emotions and more. The child is the one with the developing mind and the parent is the one who is suppose to put the child first! When the parent is unable to process what is taking place, how can they help the child? They can help the child by learning how to BEND to what the child needs and to avoid demonizing the other parent. PUT THE CHILD FIRST. You may be going through a divorce but you will never be able to shut the parent out of your life. The child is not the one divorcing their parent. They are not the one who can decide what needs to happen moving forward. You had this child with the other parent. Without that parent, there would be no child.
THIRD: Stop relying on the advice of your negative emotions. We all have that little voice within us that screams when we are hurt. Learn tools for processing the hurt. I promise you, YOU WILL WORK OUT YOUR HURT ON OTHER PEOPLE IF YOU DO NOT LEARN HOW TO HEAL.